As parents, we sometimes face difficult times. Children, especially teenagers, can be challenging. They might be defiant, experiment with drugs or alcohol, or engage in risky activities. Some may even lash out physically at parents, carers, or siblings.

Non-violent resistance (NVR) is a parenting model that helps parents manage difficult behaviour with love and boundaries. One of its core principles is the use of relational gestures.

Relational gestures are small acts of unconditional kindness. In NVR, these gestures are deliberate and made regardless of your child’s behaviour, how you feel at the time, or how they might respond.

Reconciliation gestures, a type of relational gesture, are made after a rupture in the relationship. They show your child that you still love them and are not withdrawing. These acts help rebuild the bond without being rewards for bad behaviour.

Examples for teenagers could include making a favourite meal, sending a kind text, or doing something they enjoy. Even when it’s hard, especially if your child has hurt you or a sibling, these gestures can be powerful. They help re-establish your presence as a loving parent, making your child feel safer and more loved, which can reduce challenging behaviour over time.

Kind gestures work wonders for the emotional atmosphere at home. Research shows that kindness benefits both the giver and receiver. When times are tough, these gestures help everyone feel better about themselves. Kindness is contagious, too—you’re modelling positive behaviour for your child.

You might worry that these gestures could be seen as rewarding bad behaviour. But in NVR, they are a strategic way to rebuild the relationship, not rewards for misbehaviour.

Further reading: Non Violent Resistance UK | Peaceful Opposition

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