Month: October 2024

My great-grandmother taught me to crochet when I was 7. I learned how to make a granny square then stopped crocheting for fifty years. Last year, swept up by the crochet boom, I decided to go on a short course to (re)learn. It was fascinating. I was top of the class! Somehow my brain and fingers remembered how to do it. Long forgotten neural pathways revealed themselves like old roads after a flood. I ended up making my first full crochet project in 50 years, a very long, wobbly, baggy, imperfect scarf.

Then I got excited! Could I be a crochet influencer? Maybe it could be a lucrative side-hustle that would see me catapulted to Insta-fame. Er no. I have huge respect for super-handy craftspeople who perfect their skills over hundreds of hours. There’s the technical skill involved in creating even, complex, interesting textiles, an excellent understanding of colour and texture and understanding current trends and innovations. And the business acumen and the dedication needed to devote even more hours to social media to display their creations and upload regular content! That is not me!

My great-grandmother was born in 1900. She worked as a seamstress at a hospital and became an expert in many different textile crafts before she died. She wasn’t an artist, but her creative work gave her great satisfaction. She perfected her skills over hundreds of hours. It was both her work and her hobby.

I don’t give over much time to my crochet. And I have a rotten sense of colour. I’m very impatient and there are so many other distractions, so I don’t see myself becoming an expert any time soon. But it is a lovely lulling way to spend time in front of the TV or whilst listening to the radio. I’m going on a long train journey soon and will certainly take my current project. This is never going to be a side-hustle for me. It’s a hobby. I may go off crochet and take up something else in the future – topiary, ten-pin bowling, Warhammer, archery, bee-keeping, patchwork, origami, juggling….who knows?

Hobbies are great. They’re interests that you do just for fun, without the intention of making money from them, or getting to be a champion at them. I think it’s especially good for children and young people seeing adults doing things just because they enjoy them, without needing to be the best, without it being for the CV or to make extra money or to transition to another job.

So much for young people now is about thinking forward: learning the piano will look good on the UCAS application, playing netball will demonstrate that you’re a team player, if you go to Stagecoach, maybe you can get into the National Youth Theatre in a few years’ time. Pressure, pressure, pressure. They can end up feeling quite overwhelmed by the competitive nature of well, everything. If they see you taking up a silly, pointless but enjoyable hobby, maybe they might gain a different perspective – that life is full of interesting diversions as well as work. Being bad at crochet/morris dancing/whittling/jam making but doing it anyway, is just great!
Further reading: Need A List Of Hobbies To Spark Inspiration? Here Are 170+ | mindbodygreen

#parenting
#hobbies
#pastimes

I dread Parkrun. The free, timed 5k run on a Saturday morning is a sociable, fun start to the weekend for some. They don’t worry about it. They amble along, chatting or relish being super speedy, looking forward to leaving most people for dust. Not me. I lie in bed at 7am, thinking should I do it or should I just go out and have my own little run on my own, no pressure. Parkrun makes me stressed! It reminds me that I am getting on, that I’m not as fast as I used to be (which wasn’t that fast). And I’m competitive. As soon as the claxon sounds, I find myself pushed along in a wave of people. I identify runners to try and keep up with, or a pacer to stick like glue to. I inevitably set off too fast and quickly feel physically uncomfortable, trying to just hold the speed or at least to fade gradually as we head towards the end. Parkrun operates a barcode system, so that your result and placing can be recorded with your name, gender and age. I don’t bring my barcode – too much pressure. I don’t want to have my result recorded with my name. I am happiest being an Unknown and my time being a secret between me and my sports watch.
I dread Parkrun. But I know it’s good for me. It’s a mental and physical challenge. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I am challenged physically, since I run faster than I would on my own. I am challenged emotionally, since it creates stress which has to do with the way I see myself, growing older, how I perceive myself and how others perceive me. We should challenge ourselves in this way. The more we do things that make us feel uncomfortable, the better we get at managing adversity. We realise that we can do more than we thought we could. We learn to manage our nerves. What’s more, we get to feel great after – to have a real sense of achievement at having pushed through our discomfort. It can be something small like Parkrun, or an amazing, scary adventure like climbing the O2 or doing a charity parachute jump. It might be a non-physical challenge like going speed-dating, doing public speaking or setting up a small business.

As adults, we can lose our taste for deliberately making ourselves uncomfortable. Life is difficult enough. But there are so many benefits to getting comfortable with discomfort. And, if our children see us challenging ourselves, putting ourselves outside our comfort zone, they will be very proud and it may help them see the world as a slightly less scary place, one where fun can be had, and risks can be taken.

So, this is what I tell myself as I drag my body out of bed ready for Parkrun, knowing that afterwards I’ll feel really good, my work done, ready to face the rest of the weekend with courage and confidence!

Further reading: Ben Aldridge – How to Be Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable: 43 Weird & Wonderful Ways to Build a Strong Resilient Mindset 2020, Watkins Publishing.

#comfortablebeinguncomfortable
#parenting
#mindset
#growthmindset

As parents, we sometimes face difficult times. Children, especially teenagers, can be challenging. They might be defiant, experiment with drugs or alcohol, or engage in risky activities. Some may even lash out physically at parents, carers, or siblings.

Non-violent resistance (NVR) is a parenting model that helps parents manage difficult behaviour with love and boundaries. One of its core principles is the use of relational gestures.

Relational gestures are small acts of unconditional kindness. In NVR, these gestures are deliberate and made regardless of your child’s behaviour, how you feel at the time, or how they might respond.

Reconciliation gestures, a type of relational gesture, are made after a rupture in the relationship. They show your child that you still love them and are not withdrawing. These acts help rebuild the bond without being rewards for bad behaviour.

Examples for teenagers could include making a favourite meal, sending a kind text, or doing something they enjoy. Even when it’s hard, especially if your child has hurt you or a sibling, these gestures can be powerful. They help re-establish your presence as a loving parent, making your child feel safer and more loved, which can reduce challenging behaviour over time.

Kind gestures work wonders for the emotional atmosphere at home. Research shows that kindness benefits both the giver and receiver. When times are tough, these gestures help everyone feel better about themselves. Kindness is contagious, too—you’re modelling positive behaviour for your child.

You might worry that these gestures could be seen as rewarding bad behaviour. But in NVR, they are a strategic way to rebuild the relationship, not rewards for misbehaviour.

Further reading: Non Violent Resistance UK | Peaceful Opposition

#parenting
#nvr
#nonviolentresistance
#teenagers
#adolescence
#parentingteenagers

Child Psychotherapy and Clinical Supervision in Hove.